Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Rap Industry Fan Fiction

For years, the colorful characters that make up the world of hip hop have captured the imaginations of people all over the world. And with their tastes for decadence, drugs, and adventure, they are the perfect inspiration for fan fiction. Thankfully, a new website called Rap Industry Fan Fiction has collected tales  which feature your favorite hip hop stars travelling to space, reanimating the dead, and (in the case of Nelly), purchasing Band Aids at their local CVS.

In the words of The Huffington Post, "If you're up to date on your rap culture and like reading funny short fiction, you're in for a very specific treat thanks to this blog."

Here's a quick story about the Wu Tang Clan hosting a movie night:
It was a quiet Friday night on Staten Island. The eight surviving members of Wu-Tang Clan gathered in U-God’s home, as it was his turn to host their weekly movie night. They huddled onto a white leather couch custom built for nine, a cup of Cristal placed in the open doorway to welcome Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s ghost into the home should he pass by. RZA rifled through U-God’s DVD rack, pulling out three cases.

“We can watch Shogun Assassin, 27 Dresses, or Law & Order, Season 6,” he announced with a slight grin. He knew he was the best at choosing the DVDs for the night, almost as good as he was at making beats.

“Yo, that Heigl bitch is fine as fuck, nahmean?” Ghostface exclaimed as he jumped up from the couch enthusiastically. He was actually a rather large fan of romantic comedies, but his strategically placed misogyny helped keep this a well-guarded secret.

“You get to pick every week, Ghost. We’re watching Law & Order. I gotta get my Jerry Orbach on,” GZA calmly stated. He was the Genius, after all; Wu-Tang formed like Voltron, and GZA just happened to be the head.

“It’s MY HOUSE, and we’re watching 27 Dresses. Word is bond,” U-God declared. He had a point, and the others felt that this was a fair compromise. The eight settled into the couch, each with their goblet of mixed liquors and bowl of Brazil nuts to keep their selenium up, and enjoyed the misadventures of Katherine Heigl and her quest for love.

Outside, in the bushes, Cappadonna crouched quietly and peered in the window at his friends. Laughing, high-fiving, they looked like they were having the time of their lives. Don-Don clutched a copy of Wu-Tang Forever tightly in his hands and weeped silently.

“Clan in the front,” he managed to choke out between sobs.

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