Seinfeld Stories

The glory of Seinfeld continues unabated thanks to one amazing Twitter user, who was brought to our attention by frequent MNFF contributor Zack DeZon.  Seinfeld Stories describes itself as "micro-blog fan fiction" - a collection of plot summaries of Seinfeld episodes that never were, and every one of them sounds like they could (or at least should) have been. 

This guy is truly a "master of his domain" when it comes to the show, and the 140 character "shrinkage" of Twitter hasn't limited his "yadda yadda yadda" at all!  "Not that there's anything wrong with that"!  Also, "no soup for you!" 

Here are some examples of his fine work:

Kramer's new obsession with crime novels makes him paranoid Jerry's "up to something". George's girlfriend is a Stockholm Syndrome survivor.

George starts specifying all of his drive-thru orders as "to go." Kramer invests in a shop that sells custom flags.

George is taken off a plane for criticizing a blind man who took the window seat; Elaine is offended by "the girth" of her smoothie straw.

After minor sunburn, Elaine steals her co-worker's aloe vera plant; Jerry's girlfriend dismisses waiters by shooing them away with her hand.

And if you're looking for more Seinfeld fanfic goodness, check out the extended episodes on the Seinfeld Stories Tumblr. It's more satisfying than a sandwich on delicious marble rye!

Marlee and Me

Cast your eyes, if you dare, upon this Marlee Matlin/Owen Wilson mashup written by MNFF producer and professional gadabout Timothy Browne. It is a heartbreaking and highly offensive tale of love, loss, and sexual humiliation that only he could tell.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Owen screamed at her, though of course, she could not hear his charged words. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU FUCKING DID!" Owen pushed Marlee's face into her own dung again. She sniffed it. Carrots and peas, that's what crossed the silent plain that was her mind. She knew it was wrong. But what could Marlee do? She was deaf. She couldn't control when - or, heavens to Betsy, certainly not where - she would deaf-acate.

Yeesh.