What About Midge?

Those who are familiar with the Barbie universe know that her best friend Midge is supposed to be the sensible, domesticated one.  In fact, she was created in the early 60's to balance out Barbie's image as a carefree, jet-setting sex object.  She and her boyfriend, Allan Sherwood, eventually married and had children.  The only controversy Midge was ever involved in was in the early 2000's, when Wal-Mart refused to sell the "pregnant" Midge with a removable magnetic belly and no wedding ring.  Eventually, however, the hooplah died down and Midge settled down with Allan and their three beautiful children.

But, dear readers, what if Midge hadn't taken such a wholesome path through life?  What if, as MNFF producer and grand dame Missy Moser suggests, she was a scheming, hate-filled, sex-crazed harpy?  And also, what if she was in a bizarre relationship with Ken's evil twin?  And furthermore, what if she embarked on an evil plot to kill Barbie?  All of these previously unasked questions (and more) are answered in Ms. Moser's short play, "What About Midge?", which features this monologue, in which Good Ken fights off his desire for Barbie's ginger-haired bestie.

"Please, let’s keep this professional. I know how alluring I must be to you, being the President, and so robust and masculine, smelling of Old Spice. But I’m a one woman man. You must stay away from me, even though every part of my body is aching to take your long ginger hair, wrap it around my neck, and auto-erotically asphyxiate myself. What have you done to me? You feel so wrong, but so right."

DAMN.

Marlee and Me

Cast your eyes, if you dare, upon this Marlee Matlin/Owen Wilson mashup written by MNFF producer and professional gadabout Timothy Browne. It is a heartbreaking and highly offensive tale of love, loss, and sexual humiliation that only he could tell.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Owen screamed at her, though of course, she could not hear his charged words. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU FUCKING DID!" Owen pushed Marlee's face into her own dung again. She sniffed it. Carrots and peas, that's what crossed the silent plain that was her mind. She knew it was wrong. But what could Marlee do? She was deaf. She couldn't control when - or, heavens to Betsy, certainly not where - she would deaf-acate.

Yeesh.